I’ve made mentions previously that I’ve been going through
therapy for a while now. Somehow, I keep getting my hands on or being asked to
review books which seem to fit precisely where I’m at (and still stuck) in the
moment that help me to keep moving forward. The Untraining of a Sea Priestess: A Practical Journey to Connect with Cosmic Water Wisdom seems to follow that flow for me.
As I complete CPT and find that there's still a lot of work to do that I'll be struggling with for years to come, I also finish this book. I sit on the Sea Priestess Initiation and know that it's coming. My Ego is still prominent as my mind struggles to heal from past traumas, giving Ego all the excuse it needs to be an ass. But I can feel the Sea wearing the Ego thin. There's healing here, and more steps to follow.
Blessings,
Evy
In the first paragraph of the introduction, Stephanie says, "If you are reading these lessons for just the purpose of accumulating more knowledge, be careful, because you may fall into the sea and become more than you could have ever imagined." Well, at least she warned me!
Right away, I was amazed and encouraged by Stephanie Leon
Neal’s writing style. She knows exactly how to word things in a way that
encourages you to take an honest self-inventory and question your thoughts,
feelings, and behaviors, but does so in a way that is perfectly validating and
non-judgmental. It’s like having all the things a good therapist tries to teach
you to do in general (talk confidently, be gentle, build your esteem, make
changes without judging who you are or have been) and putting it into a
spiritual/religious context that your therapist may not be able to provide.
It’s beautiful, endearing, and much needed in our lives today.
In fact, this has been quite the struggle point for me in my own healing process of late. Esteem and worthiness issues have always been a battle ground of no-win for me and it's not hard to slip back into negative self-talk no matter how much progress I've made of late. Stephanie's words were perfect and in just the right context to help with the hurdles.
This book came to me in the thick of Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) for PTSD symptoms. Unlike the previous year of going through therapy (which was mostly just remedial training in areas involving mindfulness and goal setting, and getting fresh perspectives in these areas), CPT set my avoidance tactics into overdrive. Like, seriously bad. I don't think I've ever been so willful in my life. (For those unfamiliar, CPT is basically taking a negative thought and re-framing it to something more positive and equally believable - with a focus on the PTSD-inducing trauma event, of course).
It wasn't just typical procrastination or even the weird "better than" thing I had going on last year (I already knew everything, so why did I have to spend so much time on it? - Duh. Because clearly I forgot to use it!). This time was like fighting against myself in an all out, metaphorical Battle Royale sort of way. Please. Don't. Make. Me. Do. This. I reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyREALLY don't want to!
And then The Untraining of a Sea Priestess arrived. I wasted no time reading it, crying as Stephanie said the exact words I needed to hear.
I got about half-way through before hitting a bit of snag. Which makes a lot of sense given much of the untraining takes place in that first half and fit very well with CPT. Hitting a snag in therapy would equally be a snag in my untraining. So after sitting on it for a little while, I went back through and reread the first half, and used sticky tabs to mark important parts so I could turn to them quickly. Mostly phrases and points that stood out, but also exercises (like meeting the Sea Mother) that really brought me "home."
I got about half-way through before hitting a bit of snag. Which makes a lot of sense given much of the untraining takes place in that first half and fit very well with CPT. Hitting a snag in therapy would equally be a snag in my untraining. So after sitting on it for a little while, I went back through and reread the first half, and used sticky tabs to mark important parts so I could turn to them quickly. Mostly phrases and points that stood out, but also exercises (like meeting the Sea Mother) that really brought me "home."
Again, this fit really well with my avoidance. One of my tabs is on: "If you... start saying to yourself, 'I can't do this; I am not good enough,' that is the worst kind of violence against you. It is like punching yourself in the face over and over; in the end you lose a little more of yourself... It is time to make a choice to move, make a choice to connect."
From there, I took my time reading the book. Letting days or even a week go by, just reflecting. Meditating on the imagery, watching underwater documentaries, or otherwise connecting. It was very clear by this point that I wan't just reading a book about a sea priestess path to write a review. I wasn't just reading for personal enjoyment or gathering knowledge. I wasn't just maybe surprisingly very open to the possibility of maybe this could be a path I could relate to. Like you'll sometimes hear in witchcraft communities, a teacher will tell the student, "You aren't learning. You're remembering," it was clear that I had reached the next phase in my remembering, and past experiences started clicking together in that "seeing the bigger picture" puzzle sort of way.
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| Fluid Art by Isabel, Sunshine Mama Studios (this photo taken on my phone doesn't do the painting justice) |
Synchronicities have been popping up all over since this book arrived. Lots of water related themes in dreams, books, movies. Just water everywhere. And when not water, then something else pointing me toward it. Like this painting here. One Friday evening after work it was nice and warm and I thought to myself: I pay for monthly downtown parking. The weather is great. My usual aches and pains are tolerable today. A three year old can handle a few city blocks. Let's go eat dinner someplace downtown. (Whoo! Look at me overcoming avoidance!)
As we turn a corner I am suddenly aware of other people. Doing my usual thing of just holding onto Gabe's hand and walking past, minding my own business, thankyouverymuch, and hoping to be about as invisible as I wished I were, a man suddenly says "It's a festival" as if answering a question no one asked aloud. At first I tried to ignore this man who is helping others with streaming flags across the street, but I look around and say, "Oh?" He goes on to explain they were having a little festival that Saturday mostly for kids and that there would be vendors and crafts and stuff. I thanked him, and Gabe and I went on our merry way to have dinner.
And we went back the next morning. Almost didn't. Procrastinated just a bit, but went back anyway. The very first booth there was this painting. I didn't get a good look at it at first because others were inquiring about it. I glanced and was about to walk away, but then I saw little paintings of what looked like ocean water and turned around. Then I saw this painting. I knew immediately it was mine. The pull, the way my heart says, "Hear me." Just staring at this painting, I hear the ocean, I feel my heart opening, my vibrations are lifted. I stayed put at that booth, waiting on other customers and through technical difficulties, refusing to budge until I had successfully paid for this painting.
Yeah, this beautiful blend of ocean, water, humanity, the universe and all of matter, magick, and spirituality isn't just a random collage of concepts. And The Untraining of a Sea Priestess didn't make its way to me just to be read and set aside.
Admittedly, I can see someone who is not familiar with
ocean/sea/underwater environments struggling with some of the metaphors
(although, I love them!). And there are some moments you’ll need at least some
basic knowledge of spiritual/metaphysical concepts as well as some understanding
of psychology and related terms. As such, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this
book to someone who is completely ignorant or uneducated in these areas, mainly
because it may leave them confused. But, with that said, if that same someone
were eagerly willing to learn those things and doesn’t mind referencing other
sources along the way, there’s no reason the basic understanding can’t be
attained (which would make this book extra awesome for that reason).
And, yet, this path is definitely not meant for everyone. I suspect
this will be one of those books that if you are meant for the Sea Priestess path,
you will be drawn to it or it to you. Although not for everyone, I do highly
recommend this book. Mainly because of the universal truths that apply to
everyone found within the pages (along with the nurturing writing style and
words of encouragement we all need!). But also because this book is most definitely
for Sea Priestesses and Priests who need awakening and guidance, and you may
not know that you are a Sea Priestess or Priest yet to be tapped.
As I complete CPT and find that there's still a lot of work to do that I'll be struggling with for years to come, I also finish this book. I sit on the Sea Priestess Initiation and know that it's coming. My Ego is still prominent as my mind struggles to heal from past traumas, giving Ego all the excuse it needs to be an ass. But I can feel the Sea wearing the Ego thin. There's healing here, and more steps to follow.
Blessings,
Evy
