The Untraining of This Sea Priestess: A Work in Progress

I’ve made mentions previously that I’ve been going through therapy for a while now. Somehow, I keep getting my hands on or being asked to review books which seem to fit precisely where I’m at (and still stuck) in the moment that help me to keep moving forward. The Untraining of a Sea Priestess: A Practical Journey to Connect with Cosmic Water Wisdom seems to follow that flow for me.

In the first paragraph of the introduction, Stephanie says, "If you are reading these lessons for just the purpose of accumulating more knowledge, be careful, because you may fall into the sea and become more than you could have ever imagined." Well, at least she warned me! 

Right away, I was amazed and encouraged by Stephanie Leon Neal’s writing style. She knows exactly how to word things in a way that encourages you to take an honest self-inventory and question your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, but does so in a way that is perfectly validating and non-judgmental. It’s like having all the things a good therapist tries to teach you to do in general (talk confidently, be gentle, build your esteem, make changes without judging who you are or have been) and putting it into a spiritual/religious context that your therapist may not be able to provide. It’s beautiful, endearing, and much needed in our lives today.

In fact, this has been quite the struggle point for me in my own healing process of late. Esteem and worthiness issues have always been a battle ground of no-win for me and it's not hard to slip back into negative self-talk no matter how much progress I've made of late. Stephanie's words were perfect and in just the right context to help with the hurdles.

This book came to me in the thick of Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) for PTSD symptoms. Unlike the previous year of going through therapy (which was mostly just remedial training in areas involving mindfulness and goal setting, and getting fresh perspectives in these areas), CPT set my avoidance tactics into overdrive. Like, seriously bad. I don't think I've ever been so willful in my life. (For those unfamiliar, CPT is basically taking a negative thought and re-framing it to something more positive and equally believable - with a focus on the PTSD-inducing trauma event, of course). 

It wasn't just typical procrastination or even the weird "better than" thing I had going on last year (I already knew everything, so why did I have to spend so much time on it? - Duh. Because clearly I forgot to use it!). This time was like fighting against myself in an all out, metaphorical Battle Royale sort of way. Please. Don't. Make. Me. Do. This. I reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyREALLY don't want to!

And then The Untraining of a Sea Priestess arrived. I wasted no time reading it, crying as Stephanie said the exact words I needed to hear.

I got about half-way through before hitting a bit of snag. Which makes a lot of sense given much of the untraining takes place in that first half and fit very well with CPT. Hitting a snag in therapy would equally be a snag in my untraining. So after sitting on it for a little while, I went back through and reread the first half, and used sticky tabs to mark important parts so I could turn to them quickly. Mostly phrases and points that stood out, but also exercises (like meeting the Sea Mother) that really brought me "home."

Again, this fit really well with my avoidance. One of my tabs is on: "If you... start saying to yourself, 'I can't do this; I am not good enough,' that is the worst kind of violence against you. It is like punching yourself in the face over and over; in the end you lose a little more of yourself... It is time to make a choice to move, make a choice to connect."

From there, I took my time reading the book. Letting days or even a week go by, just reflecting. Meditating on the imagery, watching underwater documentaries, or otherwise connecting. It was very clear by this point that I wan't just reading a book about a sea priestess path to write a review. I wasn't just reading for personal enjoyment or gathering knowledge. I wasn't just maybe surprisingly very open to the possibility of maybe this could be a path I could relate to. Like you'll sometimes hear in witchcraft communities, a teacher will tell the student, "You aren't learning. You're remembering," it was clear that I had reached the next phase in my remembering, and past experiences started clicking together in that "seeing the bigger picture" puzzle sort of way.

Fluid Art by Isabel, Sunshine Mama Studios
(this photo taken on my phone doesn't do the painting justice)

Synchronicities have been popping up all over since this book arrived. Lots of water related themes in dreams, books, movies. Just water everywhere. And when not water, then something else pointing me toward it. Like this painting here. One Friday evening after work it was nice and warm and I thought to myself: I pay for monthly downtown parking. The weather is great. My usual aches and pains are tolerable today. A three year old can handle a few city blocks. Let's go eat dinner someplace downtown. (Whoo! Look at me overcoming avoidance!)

As we turn a corner I am suddenly aware of other people. Doing my usual thing of just holding onto Gabe's hand and walking past, minding my own business, thankyouverymuch, and hoping to be about as invisible as I wished I were, a man suddenly says "It's a festival" as if answering a question no one asked aloud. At first I tried to ignore this man who is helping others with streaming flags across the street, but I look around and say, "Oh?" He goes on to explain they were having a little festival that Saturday mostly for kids and that there would be vendors and crafts and stuff. I thanked him, and Gabe and I went on our merry way to have dinner.

And we went back the next morning. Almost didn't. Procrastinated just a bit, but went back anyway. The very first booth there was this painting. I didn't get a good look at it at first because others were inquiring about it. I glanced and was about to walk away, but then I saw little paintings of what looked like ocean water and turned around. Then I saw this painting. I knew immediately it was mine. The pull, the way my heart says, "Hear me." Just staring at this painting, I hear the ocean, I feel my heart opening, my vibrations are lifted. I stayed put at that booth, waiting on other customers and through technical difficulties, refusing to budge until I had successfully paid for this painting.

Yeah, this beautiful blend of ocean, water, humanity, the universe and all of matter, magick, and spirituality isn't just a random collage of concepts. And The Untraining of a Sea Priestess didn't make its way to me just to be read and set aside.

Admittedly, I can see someone who is not familiar with ocean/sea/underwater environments struggling with some of the metaphors (although, I love them!). And there are some moments you’ll need at least some basic knowledge of spiritual/metaphysical concepts as well as some understanding of psychology and related terms. As such, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this book to someone who is completely ignorant or uneducated in these areas, mainly because it may leave them confused. But, with that said, if that same someone were eagerly willing to learn those things and doesn’t mind referencing other sources along the way, there’s no reason the basic understanding can’t be attained (which would make this book extra awesome for that reason).

And, yet, this path is definitely not meant for everyone. I suspect this will be one of those books that if you are meant for the Sea Priestess path, you will be drawn to it or it to you. Although not for everyone, I do highly recommend this book. Mainly because of the universal truths that apply to everyone found within the pages (along with the nurturing writing style and words of encouragement we all need!). But also because this book is most definitely for Sea Priestesses and Priests who need awakening and guidance, and you may not know that you are a Sea Priestess or Priest yet to be tapped.

As I complete CPT and find that there's still a lot of work to do that I'll be struggling with for years to come, I also finish this book. I sit on the Sea Priestess Initiation and know that it's coming. My Ego is still prominent as my mind struggles to heal from past traumas, giving Ego all the excuse it needs to be an ass. But I can feel the Sea wearing the Ego thin. There's healing here, and more steps to follow.

Blessings,
Evy

The Journey Behind Reviewing a Book

Last October, I was contacted by an author to read his book. At the time, I was having a very difficult time, to say the least. My new job (the absolute perfect job for me at present) took me out of state for a 6-week training. The first couple weeks were hell for me. The training itself was easy, but the financial aspect left me in a place of hell-bent self-prophesying a worst-case scenario. The last thing on my mind was attending to emails.

Ultimately, I found myself in a choice. The worst case scenario of my situation would have validated a thought that trying (at this thing called life) simply wasn't worth it anymore. I tried and tried, and all my efforts lead back to failure. So one day, I gave myself the right to have that choice. Keep trying and struggle fruitlessly, end it now, or have fun until that worst case scenario I was so sure was unavoidable and end it then. Seeing as how my son was with me, I opted for fun. We simply made the best of our circumstances and enjoyed ourselves.

The funny thing about that decision -- to just let go and take what the Universe was going to dish out -- was the result. The worst case scenario never came. It didn't even get close. In fact, life turned completely around, doors of positive opportunity and support burst open, and the world became a safe and manageable place again (even when it still sucks or tries to scare the shit out of you). The blessings are still pouring in. I would say "If I had known that it worked like that, I'd have done it years ago," but, honestly, the truth is you can't really know better until you just do it: Completely surrender to the ebb and flow. (Side note: To any of you who have ever heard me say, "I just want to be proved wrong," well, the Universe just proved me wrong and I'm eternally grateful for it.)

Last month, I finally sat down to catch up on all those emails I had intentionally ignored. I got back to that author. His name is Jerry McDaniel and his book is Channeling the Mothership. Admittedly, I was a little hesitant. My mind instantly went to alien conspiracy theories, and, while I do grasp a few non-conspiracy alien theories to be worth contemplating and finding the truth in, it's not really my area of expertise.

So I looked up the book to get a better idea of what it was about and was in awe. Questions about "are we alone or connected?" and topics dealing with intuition, mediumship, free will, karma, the Higher Self, etc. All things that had been on my mind and in line with omens and messages I had been receiving. This was definitely a book I needed to check out. I asked him to send it my way.

When Channeling the Mothership arrived, the very first thing I noticed was Jerry's message to me. Three words. Just three words, and all words I need to hear, need to remember, and need to work on. Jerry McDaniel is a psychic medium and clairvoyant. He reaches out to me at a potentially terrifying turning point in my life. He writes a message to me that resonates every part of my body. I think his Higher Self was having a good, long chat with my Higher Self while I was busy attending to my ego.

At first, I dived right in without wasting a second. That first chapter didn't include anything that was particularly new to me, and yet I was blown away by it. Great reminders and questions worth answering (even though I had answered some of them before). What a fantastic tool! And I was already building my list of people I want to pass this book onto; some like me who may not see it as new, but valuable, and others who it will be very new and much needed.

And then resistance set in. It wasn't immediately obvious that's what it was. It was the holidays and there was stuff (and more stuff) going on -- all different stories for another time. But there were slow moments and after-the-holidays moments and I was like, "I'm going to sit down and read tonight." But didn't. Oh, there were lists of reasons why. Exhaustion (oh, yeah, turns out my vitamin D is extra low this year. My bad), lack of time, other priorities, etc., etc. Eventually I did pick it up as intended, and it was like perfect timing all over again. The very things coming through to me were sure enough right here in the pages in front of me. I'm totally going to finish it.

But then I didn't. That resistance rushed in again. Only, this time, I called it what it was: Resistance. Why was  I resisting? What was I resisting exactly? How do I overcome it? What's getting in my way? On and on. Sometimes I asked the question and let it go (guilt has a way of doing that). Other times I sat with it. No idea. At least not yet.

Thankfully, Jerry reached back out to me to check if I'd had the chance to review the book. And, of course, guilt washed over me. Horrible, terrible guilt. No, I had not. Have to finish reading to write a review and I was being a very, very bad reader by not reading. But just as guilt has a way of making us turn away from looking at the things we don't want, it's also a super helpful emotion to motivate you to get your ass in gear. So I finished reading Channeling the Mothership.

I didn't do it right then and there, mind you. This is a book with questions. Questions that if you don't at least ask yourself (even if you don't have an answer yet), you aren't absorbing the messages this book provides. So I gave myself two nights, after getting my son to bed, to spend a couple hours reading, contemplating, answering questions, and making notes (at the back of the book are lined pages for you to write whatever you like on each chapter). When I finished it, I was happy. Not because I'd finished it, but because I thoroughly enjoyed it (and, yes, I chuckled at myself quite a bit when Jerry talks about resistance).

I wrote and published the reviews (the first draft was complete shit that failed to do any level of justice for Channeling the Mothership, so I scrapped it; I hope what you see published elsewhere encourages you to read this book). And now I'm writing up this long, little story about the experience of reviewing it. At least, that's what it probably sounds like to you.

The truth is, when I thought about writing up a blog post review of Channeling the Mothership, it didn't feel right. I love the book and highly encourage you to read it. But more importantly, we all understand that anyone can write a book about anything, have it published, and people like it. When it comes to discerning the truth, things get trickier. Whether it's the title, the cover, the style, or even the message within a book, we can be very skeptical. For me, it's easy to read Jerry's book and know that his messages are truth because they are messages I already have experienced or was in the midst of experiencing as I read it. For others, powers of skepticism can sometimes blind us from messages of truth. And for that, you need validation.

This post is the validation. I have never sat down with Jerry or had a full conversation (our emails are rather short and to the point; quite a feat for someone as verbose as me).  He has never given me a reading and I certainly don't recall any loved ones who've passed running it by me to seek him out. And yet, his timing to reach out to me, his three-word message to me, his book and the messages it brings, and his poke at my bewildering resistance speaks volumes. I don't know if it was intentional all along. I don't know if he consciously was aware of all this. (Given my experiences with intuition and psychicism, that's pretty close to never the case.) Still, he did it. That's legit in my book. And it speaks volumes to the validity of everything you find in Channeling the Mothership.

Thank you, Jerry!

Blessings,
Evy

Thoughts on The Witch's Journey - A Review of Sorts

When Elaanie S reached out to me about her new book and offered to let me read it, I was stoked. The title alone, The Witch's Jouney: Cutting the Cords of Christian Dogma, likely wouldn't have caught my attention right away. Sounds interesting, but my To-Read list grows ever longer everyday and I'm not a particularly quick reader (not to mention the downside to being multi-passionate means breaking down each of my passions into smaller, crunched-time segments). But she gave me a synopsis and I knew I needed to read it; Especially as a Witch in the South who is not from the South and still acclimating socially.

I'm going to start out with saying that this is a must-read for anyone. If you are a Witch coming from a Christian background or family in particular. But also if you are a Pagan or anyone of a non-Christian religion or spirituality. Even if you are atheist or consider yourself to be secular in your way of thinking and moving about the world. Simply living in a Christian-dominated society, makes this an important read. But I extend this reading suggestion to all.

I absolutely do recommend this book to any Christians who want to understand why anyone would ever choose a non-Christian path beyond an over-simplified and vague Christian-based answer. Who may have questions about their own faith and not knowing how to go about getting answers. Who may have friends or family who are Witches and want to understand where they are coming from. Not to discard your faith, but to know it and understand it personally. To answer the frustrating question of why a non-Christian may have animosity toward Christianity or the Bible or scripture. To challenge your beliefs, connect deeper with God, and strengthen your faith with the clearest of sight.

Bottom line, check this book out. Definitely. (And if you're thinking I'm saying all this just because I was asked to read it, I'll have you know that several of my reviews on Messages in the Moonlight over the years were books I was asked to review and a couple of them, well, let's just say I did not help with sales on those titles!)

Before I tell you about the reasons why this book was a phenomenal read for me, I'm going to point out some flaws. And by "flaws" I mean I had pet-peeves triggered. Elaanie did an amazing job relieving those triggers.

The first was right in the opening. Like so many books on the topic of Wicca and Witchcraft in recent decades, there's the heavily implied "lineage of Witchcraft tradition spanning back to the beginning of man, surviving underground through persecution of Witches in which so many Witches died" thing going on. I had to take care not to let this personal pet peeve get in the way of taking in what's in front of me, though. See, when it comes to this particular area, I tend to acknowledge--with hypersensitivity--that the average reader does not (yet) possess enough detailed knowledge on the subject to understand that Elaanie isn't making fantastical claims. It could be easily misunderstood by someone hearing of it for the first time, but no big foul. Especially considering that this lasts for all of about a page. (Yes. Meaning I am making a big stink out of a whole lot of not-a-big-deal.)

But as I read it, it made me flip to the bibliography so I could find where she was coming from. Looking at it, I could feel my eye twitching on the verge of having its own stroke. While there's great sources in there, I was freaking out by the list of Wikipedia entries. Wikipedia is a great "quick look-up, remember anyone can edit it, answer a simple question" resource. Scholarly, it is not. (Note: "Can be" is not the same as "is.") But I wanted to read this book, and so I did. If a bibliography referencing Wikipedia is a petpeeve for you, Elaanie will ease your anxieties as you read The Witch's Journey all the way through. It's obvious she has spent a lot of time researching over the years to come to her conclusions. What she shares with you is legit. It can be a pain in the ass hunting down and referencing every single source you originally heard or learned something from. (I've totally been there!) It's much easier to use a source like Wikipedia as a refresher to help with sharing the information.

The only other eyebrow raiser is the occasional "Witches believe" or "Witchcraft is" moment that I know several Witches who would be ready to argue is not representative of all Witches and forms of Witchcraft. I'm not going to say much about this point, because, if you're paying attention while reading The Witch's Journey, Elaanie makes it painfully clear again and again that nothing is 100% "this or that" and that there's a whole lot of grey. (Plus other books can cover such topics more in-depth.)

And now for how I really feel about this book:

Elaanie starts off by telling her story. Throughout the book, she does not tell the story in perfect "time is linear" chronlogical fashion. Instead, her "naturally Witchiness" shows as a more circular or cyclical timeline is presented. I admit, I had a little trouble relating at first, because her story is so very different from my own. But not an unfamiliar story to me. Once you put everything into the context of culture during the time and where it took place, it all makes total sense why Elaanie's path presented and manifested in the way that it did. Each of our stories unfolded the way they did because that's how they needed to.

As I followed along, I found myself struggling personally. I had a little sleeplessness the first night when I began to read The Witch's Journey. My thoughts were spinning and looping memories of experiences in churches, various denominations, heated conversations with friends, insulting moments of invalidation from loved ones. (In hindsight, I maybe should have picked a better stopping point right before going to bed!) Elaanie's story may be personal and specific to her, but in sharing her experiences with us, she manages to drag out all the things we've left buried. You might think that's not a selling point, but I assure you: Dredging up the past and old hurts is exactly what has to happen if you are to find healing. And that's what I experienced.

As her story-telling moved onto her catalyst that led her to her true path, I cried. It's not common to feel a sense of real, unspoken connection with someone you've never met to such a degree. I was floored. Thank you, Elaanie, for sharing that moment of pain, confusion, and awakening with us.

After that moment, her story begins to resemble a common history. It's a pattern I would say most Witches are all too familiar with having gone through it ourselves. From this point on in the book, we are all on the same wavelength and sharing an experience long past for some, more recent for others, and currently or soon-to-be for still other Witches.

I absolutely loved the way Elaanie breaks down hang-ups in Christianity. Breaking into digestible pieces of questions with answers and the understanding that the answers will go even deeper, but different for each individual. She also ties these things with how they impact our society outside of the practice of Christian faith. And that, makes this book invaluable in our day and age in this society. The book covers history/mythology briefly as well as components of Witchcraft-related beliefs, practices, and worldview all while addressing the Christian perspective and how it hinders or helps in our understanding.

And Elaanie never fails to point out indisbutable science! Anyone who knows me personally knows I'm a huge nerd and have a tendency of snapping into textbook mode; explaining Witch, Pagan, and other beliefs in terms of or in relation to science. I'm so tickled when I see someone else do the same! I was especially ecstatic as I read my own theory of the Universe when explaining the Witch view of the Divine. It's so beautiful knowing this is a conclusion other Witches have come to. (And I suppose I should stop referring to it as "my own theory.")

Throughout The Witch's Journey, the concept of sin is brought up. For the most part, I enjoyed Elaanie's tackling of the subject. Although I have to argue to some degree, if only to carry on the conversation. A friend once put my feelings on sin perfectly. My friend explained to me that the original meaning for the word "sin" was simply "missing the mark." While reading this book, I took time to reflect on that again. I've been criticized by fellow Witches for holding onto the concept of sin. But for me, I take all the dogma and theology out of it. I see it like this:

In living our lives, we are shooting arrows at a target. Where our arrows land is who we are (or presenting to be) in the moment. At the center of our target is our true, authentic selves. Now, we aren't all the best of shots. And even the best among us occasionally miss our mark. Outside influences, someone nudging our arms as we let the arrow loose, random wind burst, intoxication, etc. are contributing factors. When we miss the center, I would call that sin. But what's wrong with missing the center of the target? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No harm, no need for judgment. It's a learning opportunity. Try again.

It's when we miss the center and leave it at that or start firing randomly or giving up and just accepting that we'll never hit the center that sin becomes a problem. When we give up living as our true authentic selves, no matter the reason, that is when sin becomes worth noting. But calling oneself a sinner (or begging for forgiveness) alone is fruitless. It's a wake-up call to nock the next arrow and try again. Keep trying and you get closer to the center. And before long (okay, so it feels like a long time, and can feel fucking infuriating) you will hit the center again.

For me, the way The Witch's Journey covers the subject of sin shows where the concept got lost and how it isn't helpful. So much dogma and attempts to define the Divine in limited terms results in striving for a "perfect" way of being and living. It is a false "authentic self" because it does not take into account the individual selves as, they are meant to be. If you are aiming at a very specific way of being that is not in alignment with your personal, unique authentic self, you aren't aiming at the center of your target. You're aiming at someone else's. And that doesn't help anyone.

Perhaps one of the best things about this book is that it covers a wealth of information, but does so concisely. It won't take you months to get through. And it took me two weeks only because I took my time with it and dragged it out as I absorbed (and healed). Elaanie provides a great starting point to do your own research if you want to know more. But even as a standalone, you will be more knowledgeable with it than without.

Bottom line, this book is fantastic. As the subtitle says: "Cutting the Cords of Christian Dogma." At the end of the day, no matter how you feel about Christianity in part or whole, whether you are Christian or not, the Christian religion—and most certainly a Christian faith—is not the problem; Christian Dogma is. And if you are trying to force it to fit you and denying your authentic self in the process, well, now, you're just sinning, aren't you? And hey, we've all been there. Take a deep breath, open your eyes, and find the target you and you alone were meant to reach.

Wishing you bright blessings whatever your path,
Evy